My Next Car/End of 2008

I have decided that the new Chevrolet Cruze will be my next car. It is sporty but also compact and good on gas. It won't be available until 2010 as a 2011 model so it gives me some time to save.

Also, today is the final day of 2008. This year went faster then any other in my opinion. So, by 12/31/2009 everybody born in the 1970's will be in their 30's if even for just a few minutes. Just a random thought.

Hummer H2

Yesterday after work I tool my little car to the car wash because he has not had a bath in multiple eons and the weather finally got above 40 degrees. Well low and behold I got stuck behind some bitch in a Hummer H2, the license plate started in the letter R which means she either moved to Colorado in late 2007 early 2008 or that is when she bought the damn thing.
Now, I have noticed that I mostly see women driving the H2 now, it must be some sort of penis envy issue. But really, anybody driving one of these things should be embarassed. Embarassed by the shear size of it, the gas it uses and the greenhouse gasses it gives off. If a man is driving one he should be embarassed because he is basically advertising to the world that he has a small johnson and is making up for it in other ways (this might not be true of the black rappers and football players that love these things so much, with 24" rims of course).
GM has announced that Hummer is up for sale. Probably some disgusting Indian or Chinese company will buy it. Good riddance.

Only in Colorado

Only in Colorado does the right lane of traffic move faster then the left. I am so sick of these fools in the left lane holding everybody back. And it is both men and women equally doing it. Sometimes you will see the offender yaking on their cell phone or to the person in the passenger seat. Sometimes they are by themselves and probably day dreaming. Man it pisses me off.

Why can't we be friends?

No, I am not talking about that song. Earlier in my posts from October or November, I was talking about how I was evil and I made that contractor feel bad. Well, now, I am okay with it.
Aparently after I left work on Thursday last week my co-worker was attacked by the three contractors up here. She said they were all giggling and then asked her how long they knew me and that how she is very comfortable with me. We both feel that they were trying to insinuate that I want to go out with her. Uh, no. First of all, these fuckers need to concentrate on conversion of the systems-the only reason they are at XYZ Company-not what me and my FRIEND are doing. I've known this lady for almost 7 years now and I am not interested in her in the least nor she me; she is 46 for fucks sake and I am 29 and we are JUST FRIENDS.
The same thing has happened with Jaime and I. People assume that we are dating or that we want to date just because we hang out and have opposite genitalia.
People are stupid and assume stupid things. One thing is for sure, if they keep it up, I will make their time here at XYZ Company very difficult.

Was your car ever the star of a music video?

I love this video and it is another reason why I love the 80's; things were just better back then.

Side note: the girl at 1:13-1:15 is hot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZGwGFpjFxI

Contractors

There should be a rule that the contractors at XYZ Company cannot come in before 8 o'clock. They are driving me nuts; there is the know-it-all guy who is very overweight and drives a gay VW GTI with European style front license plate and then there is the Asian guy who is constantly blowing his nose! ARGH.

Commercials

Most people turn the channel when a commercial comes on. Sometimes I do, but not always. I am lazy like that; however, some commercials really make me shake my head or just plain make me angry:

1) Dodge Journey commercial; these stupid black and white animated people and a dog are schleping it in a new Journey. There is this horrible, repetitive music playing and then the animated kid looks out the window at the viewer! He makes me so mad I want to punch his little smiling face.
2) These new Wendy's commercials with the skinny guy and the guy in the blue worker outfit who is always teaching the skinny guy something about Wendy's (very Karate Kid). Okay, they are ambiguously gay, enough said.
3) These new VW Routan commercials really piss me off. Stupid, washed-up Brooke Sheilds talks about how people are having kids just so they can drive the "German-engineered" minivan. Well, it is actually a Chrysler built in Canada. Where is the German engineering?
4) Toyota commercial for the 0% APR. They did a horrible remake of the 1980's song Saved By Zero by The Fixx. I hate when people re-make 80's songs.
5) The commercial where that ugly lady is in her dining room and the slasher movie guy is there with a chainsaw. The ugly lady tells the guy that he is really scary but she is going to block him from the TV so her precious, even uglier kids don't get scared. F*ck this $hit! How did she even have kids? Why are parents these days so damn protective of everything?
6) Saturn Red Tag Sale commerical; guy walks into the Saturn dealership and looks at the Vue and Sky roadster then walks out and looks at the Saturn sign as if he is in disbelief that Saturn could build these kinds of cars. First of all, the stupid idget surely would have done his homework before going to a dealership, so these cars should not have been a shock. Jesus Christ. And then it shows this man and this woman who are salespeople and they are like "Oh, it happens alot." First of all the bitch looks like a housewife-the kind that thinks she deserves a medal for bearing children. That commercial made me mad.
7) Ace Hardware commercials: there are several, it starts out with these Ace Hardware employees looking at a frazzled customer and then they have a flashback to when they also had a home improvement nightmare. Okay, 1) how the hell would someone working at Ace Hardware be able to afford a home. 2) the blond lady with the blue eyes that works for Ace, she looks Aryian or at least Mormon. Ever notice how many Mormons are blond? 3) nobody has customer service like that, if I walked in all frazzled nobody would come help, and if they did it would be a bored teenager ticked off at his paren't for making him work.

High School Musical

Okay, now, I will admit I am pushing 30, but I do not understand how the youth of today can actually stand this High School Musical business. It is so lame, and fake and so not how high school really is.
And now they have High School Musical on Ice! What the holy hell is that about????

When I take over the world High School Musical and all things related to it, the DVD's, posters, and dolls will be destroyed.

Camry says to Jaime "buy me!"

So my friend Jaime, who also works for XYZ Company, is the biggest cheapskate that I have ever met. If she weren't Asian you would think she was Scottish or Jewish the way she holds on to money.

So Jaimie drives an almost 17 year old car. It is in excellent shape but it is getting on in age and she keeps putting money into it.

I told her that right now Toyota is offering 0% APR for 36 months. I thought that would appeal to her cheap ass sensibilities. She states that she would rather have a home instead of a new car. And I do agree and she is smart for doing so. If I had not bought a car when I did I would have a lot more saved up right now. But seriously, she needs a new car and the loan would help her get a house anyway and when is Toyota ever going to offer this 0% again? She is so stubborn.

A pinhead, gay supervisor and a clueless supervisor walk into a cafe....

Sorry, there is no punchline here but I am pissed! So, I have been good all week so I decided that I was going to go get breakfast at the XYZ Company cafe. I even raced these two ladies down to the cafe to be sure that I got there first. I grabbed a bagel for a breakfast sandwich (egg, cheese and bacon smothered in hot sauce). So I give the bagel to the cook and we go to the break room to get sodas. We get back and all these people have showed up ordering these God-awful breakfast burritos and they all have special instructions; "extra bacon" "no cheese please" "potatoes in the side please." You know what morons? This isn't Burger King, you can't have it your way.
Because of all the commotion, the cook got all frazzled and forgot about Jaime and my bagel so they burned! I go to the bagel table and the only ones left are the sweet ones.
Guess what? The gay supervisor took two!!! And the pinhead got the last savory bagel. I was so pissed!!! And its Friday, that means jeans, a t-shirt, sneakers and a hat. Nope, not the gay supervisor, he is wearing designer jeans, a button up club shirt tucked in and these weird looking black shoe/boot things. He must be going out to a club after work.
Now, maybe it is karma because I raced those ladies downstairs, but that was kind of a joke, and Jaime didn't do it and she got the shaft too, so who knows. ARGH.

Parking Saga Continues

Yesterday evening I look out the window and I see this peice of crap pre-1999 VW Jetta barreling down the road (it sounded, and looked like it had seen better days). Well the moron parks right next to my little car. I was so pissed. I knew that I had seen that car before but it had never parked anywhere near me before. I recognized it as being a car that usually parks on the corner on the other side of my apartment building. His wife drives an ugly ass Nissan Sentra-those things started getting ugly back in 1995 and Nissan has done very little to make it better. Anway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, so this peice of shit Jetta. I have no freaking idea why he parked by me, he had to really trek it to get to his apartment too. If he continues to do this I will complain to management LOL. Seriously though, I will. It was so random and far away from his apartment that I just can't fathom it.
This time of year (snow season, which lasts 6 long months in Colorado) I have to fight for my parking spot. Crazy Cat Lady with her beat up Accord coupe with an Obama sticker likes to jack my spot (I think she is another one of those work at home peeps), the Asian family used to jack my spot but they moved and sometimes Rhode Island Boy will park his Naziwagen in my spot and leave it for months on end. Why do they do this? Because where I park gets a lot of sun, so in the winter, people park there so the sun melts their cars. In the summer, forget it, nobody parks there. They are kind of like fair weather parkers.
And then on Tuesday, I drove my Jeep to work. When I drive that car to work I take two spaces. Well, Chicago Lady, who also has a newer Jeep takes two spaces as well. So we have an unspoken agreement that we park near each other with both of us taking two spaces. Well, XYZ Company is bucking the national trend and is hiring. They always have to overhire because so many people quit during training. In the meantime though, the parking lot has really filled up. Well this bitch, and I call her Jesus Christ because she believes that she should qualify for Sainthood even though she is the worst sort of born again hypocrite, yeah, she parked right in between Chicago Lady and myself and of course, my Jeep was on Jesus Christ's driver's side door. I chose not to be pissed about it but I did check my right side to be sure there was no damage. By the way, there were other spots available. It is known that I and this woman, Jesus Christ, do not like each other, so I believe sometimes she does it to piss me off.
People really tick me off and I would love to get inside their heads to know what they are thinking about.

I am evil

So, last week at XYZ Company we had a contractor start working. Where my cubical is I have nobody behind me and the third floor is refreshingly quiet. Well, they decided to put the contractor right behind me.
Well, a woman who has worked for XYZ Company forever is in charge of the contractors, well she decided to have a meeting at his desk. My God they were distracting the hell out of me. And the meeting went on forever. So I got up and left my desk for a while and on my way to the breakroom there was an open meeting room. I go back to my deks and then the meeting finally ended and they left the area. So my co-worker and I exchanged sighs and a few words. Well, he comes back and introduces himself and said that he was sorry for being too loud and if it happens again we should let him know. So right away I feel like the world's biggest jackass. I mean, here is this poor guy trying to make a living. He comes into XYZ Company (which is a strange company as it is) and then he has to deal with people who have territorial issues(me). Instead of making him feel welcomed we made him feel uncomfortable. Needless to say, I felt terrible. Despite what people may think, I do have a heart.
Well, today, he comes in with leftoever Halloween candy. He put in in a bowl on his desk for everyone. That made me feel even worse! And now, I can't eat it because I feel so damn guilty about being a jackass to him. If anything, I should have been happy that some more men are working here. It is a total estrogen fest here at XYZ Company.
Argh.

Last day of October

So, having a blog is harder then I thought it would be and I have been neglecting my poor blog. Either I have been really busy or I am more boring then previously thought.

The other day I was walking down a hallway at XYZ Company and I noticed the fire alarm pull. Ever notice how enticing they make those things? They are at arms reach and bright red. Sometimes I actually really have to fight myself NOT to pull the damn things. There would be an added bonus for pulling one of course. At XYZ Company there is an Emergency Response Team that consists of supervisors and managers in various departments from each of the three floors. Some of them take this added responsibility very seriously and the job includes a handsome orange vest. I enjoy a silent laugh to myself seeing them in their orange vests walking around the building with their walkie talkies thinking that they are important. Power will do strange things to a person and it is another reason why I would not want to be a supervisor or manager at XYZ Company.

That is all for October 2008. But I will leave you with some random facts:

By 12/31/09 everybody born in the 1970's will be in their 30's, if only for a few hours.
Starting on 1/1/10 people born in 1970 will be turning 40 and the best decade ever, the 1980's will begin to be 30 years ago.....

Beyond random thought for the day

Ever have one of those "oh wow, crazy" moments? This morning I was getting ready to take a shower and I looked in the mirror and saw my belly button. I thought to myself, oh yeah I forgot that I had a belly button. The belly button is like Delaware, you totally forget that it exists until one day you are all, "oh yeah."
And then you think about how everybody has a belly button; some are innies and some are outties. I think I read somewhere that most babies now are outties-makes them easier to clean I suppose. You would really be surprised to see what collects in an innie belly button, lots of fuzz, almost like lint.
Or like fat people, I mean really fat people like the kind you see on Discovery Channel-they have stretched out belly buttons.
Some people peirce their belly buttons and some get a tattoo around the belly button, or if you are my sister you have done both.
I will have to take a mental note to myself to look for people's belly buttons next summer at the pool.

Cute

Ever notice how women overuse the word 'cute?'
"Oh, what a cute sweater." "Cute shoes...."
Maybe I am crazy but how are women's shoes and sweaters cute? When I think of the word cute, I think of a baby, or baby shoes or a dog.
I have even noticed that women will give a fake compliment "cute shoes" even though they are hideous. I have verified that women do this from many vagina-bearing sources.

Sometimes it is fun to go to the mall and watch women shop. They get this glazed-over look in their eyes and it is like all thought processes in their brains shut off temporarily. It works both ways of course, men get the same look at the automotive section at Wal-Mart and at Sports Authority. The difference though, is that men don't think to ourselves, 'These floormats would look cute in my truck." Or "This UnderArmour would make a cute outfit for the gym."

Once I take over the world, I would end programming on We, Oxygen and Lifetime and then fine people for misusing the word cute, in that order.

Parking Lot Etiquette

This really ties in to the bathroom etiquette as described in one of my September ramblings.

Parking lot etiquette: is there such a thing? In my humble opinion, yes. Or at least there should be. In the six years I have been employed at XYZ company, I have noticed that people are morons. I park far away from the building's entrance both for exercise but also to protect my car(s). For many years, nobody parked near me, for whatever reason. However, in the past two years people have found where I park to be the next big thing. And even when there are several spaces away from my car, people feel the need to park right next to it. Now, for my older car, I park near these trees so he gets some shade but with my Jeep, I have no shame, I have taken to parking in two spaces because I will not tolerate any damange to my car because of someone elses reckless stupidity. And it actually happened. The first week I had my new Jeep, someone here at work made a dent in my right passenger door.

What are the rules of parking lot etiquette?
1. Don't be a moron
2. If you see that there are several other spaces available when you come in, don't chose the one right next to my car! Duh!
3. If you see that someone has pretty much "called" a certain space, meaning for years they park in the same spot, don't jack it from them.
4. Don't be a moron
5. If you are a man and you park next to another car despite several other spaces being available, think of it as the urinal test. You wouldn't walk up next to a urinal in use by another man if several others are available. It's called the buffer zone, learn it, live it.
6. If you are a woman, car's are not social animals, so you don't need to join the herd and park next to each other-it isn't like a Friday night girls bathroom stall break.
7. If you see that someone has parked in two spaces and there are other spaces available, don't park in between the spaces!
8. Don't be a moron
9. If you simply must park next to someone, only open your door wide enough to get out without hitting the car next to you!
10.If you cannot open the door without hitting the car next to you, lose some weight.

Most people think I am nuts when I talk about parking lot etiquette, but I have every reason to when you consider how much damage my cars have endured in their lives due to the reckless stupidity of others.

End of September

So today is the last day of the month and I thought I would share my views about something that has bothered me for a while: why do women hate Giada DeLaurentis?

Well, it is simple really. She is hot, she is stacked and the girl can cook. Hell, even her mom is hot. Every woman that I know tells me how much they hate her. My sister calls her "The Skinny Bitch." A co-worker says that she does not like how Giada treats her relatives.

1) Giada's cleaveage is fantastic; just the right size, not too big, not too small and not lopsided like Racheal Ray.
2) Giada knows how to cook, what man wouldn't like a hot woman who can cook?

So the green eyed monster rears her ugly head again; women hate her because she is hot and talented.

Meanwhile on planet earth....

I am so sick of this economy, and how the actions of others is effecting me. Sure, I could have bought a town home in 2006 with an ARM-but I didn't. My income just isn't what it needs to be and I didn't have 20% down. But that didn't stop my fellow American's from "living the dream" and buying a $300,000 home with a $50,000 a year salary and no money down.
Wake up people, it started in the 1980's and has only become worse, and by that I mean materialism. I look back at my grandparent's generation. They bought a house in 1953, finished the basement when they had more kids and by 1983 the house was paid in full. But by the 1980's everybody wanted bigger and better. Live in a house for five years then upgrade. Everybody wants to better the Jones' by getting a massive 4,000 sq ft home with granite countertops and a three car garage.
Some people I know call me old fashioned, but I really believe we need to get back to basics. One parent should work (and not necessarily the man) and the other (not necessarily the woman) should stay with the kids to make sure they do their school work and stay out of trouble. We don't need to live in houses with powder rooms and studies or three car garages. We don't need to lease a Mercedes-Benz or Lexus every three years for the sake of status (by the way, how does paying way too much for a Toyota with leather interior count as status? The L on the grill should stand for Loser which looks a lot like the word poser).
Who are these people who took risky loans? The same people that blame the mortgage broker and bank for giving it to them. The same people who file bankruptcy and then demand new credit as if it is a right. Nobody takes responsibility for their own actions and it makes me sick.

Restroom Etiquette

I am always shocked and amazed by how many adults lack even the basic understanding of bathroom etiquette.
Maybe I am weird, but I don't believe that you should do a #2 at the bathrooms at work. I don't want to smell my co-workers stuff and I don't want them smelling mine. Yes, sometimes it is unavoidable like when you eat at an all-you-can-eat Mexican buffet at 11:00 in the morning and then return to work. But this is where the Bathroom of Shame comes into play. Every medium to large office has one; the bathroom that hardly anybody uses because it is out of the way. In my office, there is a bathroom as such located on the 1st floor near the south parking lot. If you need to do the #2 at work, this is the place to do it. It is funny, sometimes I will walk by the bathroom's of shame (women's and men's separate, of course) and someone will walk out and they have a guilty look on their face. Guilt is good though, shame is good. #2 should be shamefull even though everybody does it.
There has been a problem both on the 2nd floor men's room and now the 3rd floor men's room where someone is urinating on the floor near the urinal. Now, I could understand a stray drop making it to the floor, but a puddle? Someone should take this guys Man Card away, he needs to sit on the pot like a girl; he doesn't deserve to stand. The scary thing is that since this has occured on both floors, it must be two different men.
Cell phones: Don't use your damn cell phone in the bathroom, it is so rude both the person you are speaking with but also for me. I don't want whomever you are speaking to hearing me take a leak. Ever hear a guy piss? It is an unmistakable sound and very loud.
There is a guy on the 2nd floor who will go nameless, that uses the first stall. The way our bathrooms are set up here at work is that there is one urinal, and two stalls with the furthest being the handicap stall. I cannot tell you how many times I have gone in to use the urinal and this dude is in the stall nearest to the urinal and the handicap stall is vacant. Now, he should have used the Bathroom of Shame as mentioned above, but at the very least he should give the guy at the urinal a buffer. The worst part is that there are tiles on the walls, so if you are standing there doing your business, you can see shadows of the guy in the first stall.
I have heard from several female co-workers that things are worse in the women's bathroom. If recall correctly, I was 14 before I figured out that women even used the bathroom-seriously. Women will have you believe that they don't so it but they do. And boy do they. This one time, we received a company wide email reminding the women of the building to please not flush feminine products down the toilet. As I understand it, some women's restrooms have a trash can aparatus in the stalls for used feminine products. God I am so glad I am not a woman.
Finally, I would like to say flush for Christ sake! We are not in the middle of a drought so the yellow does not need to mellow.

Dancing With the Stars

So I saw an advertisement for the new season of Dancing With the Stars. First of all, I can't believe some of you people who actually watch this crap. Anway, I noticed that Lance Bass was going to be on the show and a few things crossed my mind:

1) Since he has come out of the closet, will he be paired with a man or a woman?
2) Have you ever noticed that he looks like a lesbian? You know, those bulging eyes and that short spiked blond hair? I can't tell you how many lesbians I have seen that look like that.
3) Will he ever get to go to outer space?
4) How did he ever get to be a "star" and when will he go away?
5) Why do you people actually watch this????

I know what you did nine months ago

So, this topic is really what started the whole random blog thing. I was telling Jaime about how when people bring their babies into work to show them off I think of things that others might not. What are these things you ask? Well, for starters think about how babies even come to be. That's right, sex. So, when I see these babies and the glowing and beaming mother, I think to myself, "I know what you did nine months ago!" And if that weren't enough, I think about people's sex faces. You know, people have that sex face, eyes roll into the back of your head, eye lids can either be halfway open or all the way open and even closed; mouths can be wide open and drooling. Then there are the sounds of sex, whimpers, screams and even the occasional sound of friction (think about the sound of moving your straw in and out really fast next time you get a value meal at a fast food restaurant). So, imagine your co-workers sex faces the next time they bring their kids in to the office!
Immature? Of course.
Strange? You know it.
Do I care what you think? Nope.

You know what is strange though? When humans are having sex, we don't really think about anything, it's like everything shuts off. Which is good because if we thought about how funny the other person's sex face is during sex the end result could be bad.

Rhode Island Boy

Okay, so I live in an apartment complex with lots of interesting characters. Well, my neighbor is perhaps the most interesting. I moved in to my apartment on 11/3/06 and he was already here. Well, he has this Audi (Naziwagen) and it had Rhode Island license plates. So I call him Rhode Island Boy. That will serve as your background into him.

Well, he has this friend, drives an Xterra and if it weren't for his tan, would be an albino because his hair is a very unnatural shade of blond. Anyway, I have noticed that the albino has been staying at Rhode Island Boy's (RIB) apartment lately. And yes, the thought that they might be more then friends has crossed my mind, but they both have girlfriends. I am sure, though, that they have at least seen each other naked. So, RIB must have some exciting job because he gets to work from home but he also goes on weeklong trips out of town presumably for business. Well, I think the Albino lives there now, if I were evil I would turn them into the leasing office. The Albino, who has his own car, has been driving RIB's Malibu, because RIB is out of town. Now, I like my friends, but they aren't driving my car unless I am too drunk to drive it myself. I just think this is very odd. Maybe RIB doesn't know that the Albino is driving his car or what but they are too close. It is very odd.

Trauma...Jaime stole my idea/Best Buy Tirade

So I told Jaime about this great idea I had about blogging about random things; well, she goes and does it first. She did; however, give me ample warnings about starting this blog up. I was being lazy and I wanted to get my new computer set up. I have had the thing now for almost two weeks. I actually did take it out of the box this morning but I was very cross because it didn't come with a back-up disc! What the hell kind of company doesn't include the back-up disc????

So now my happy ass has to call Best Buy to find out how to get one. If it is too expensive or too much of a pain, then I am returning the damn computer. I only bought the stupid thing because I can work from home but my current computer operates on Windows 98-which as you all know is ancient and does not support much of anything anymore.